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Thinking pattern

Draft — not clinically reviewed yet

Should statements

Rigid rules about yourself, others, or the world — often fuel anger, guilt, and frustration.

Source: Sokol & Fox (2019), The Comprehensive Clinician's Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

For learning and reflection — not diagnosis or treatment. Willow isn't your therapist or crisis line. Based on Sokol & Fox (2019). In crisis? See crisis resources or findahelpline.com.

For learning only — not a treatment plan. For exposure, trauma, or medication questions, work with a clinician.

The pattern

Shoulds impose rules:

  • "I should be further along by now."
  • "They should have known better."
  • "The world shouldn't be this unfair."

When reality violates the rule, anger or guilt spikes.

Should → preference

"I should be on time" → "I'd prefer to be on time; if I'm late, I can still …"

See Anger for assertive next steps when someone else violates your preference.

Self-shoulds and mood

Common in stress and low mood — perfectionistic rules that ignore constraints.

Try it next

List one should you thought today — Willow will help translate it and examine the cost.

From the guide

  • Replace shoulds with preferences — this single shift reduces a lot of anger.

    — Anger work; Sokol & Fox (2019), The Comprehensive Clinician's Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

From the guide

We couldn't pull book excerpts right now. The summary above still follows the same source material.

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