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Common concern

Draft — not clinically reviewed yet

Anger

Anger as violated rules and should-statements — down-regulation first, then preferences and assertive scripts.

Source: Sokol & Fox (2019), The Comprehensive Clinician's Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

For learning and reflection — not diagnosis or treatment. Willow isn't your therapist or crisis line. Based on Sokol & Fox (2019). In crisis? See crisis resources or findahelpline.com.

For learning only — not a treatment plan. For exposure, trauma, or medication questions, work with a clinician.

What anger often tracks

Anger frequently follows a violated rule — often phrased as a "should" about yourself, others, or the world:

  • "They should respect me."
  • "This shouldn't be this hard."

The feeling is real. cognitive behavioral therapy asks whether the should is costing you more than the situation itself.

What helps

Down-regulate first when anger is hot

Before cognitive work: slow breathing, step away, brief walk. Anger narrows thinking; physiology first.

Should → preference

"He should respect me" → "I'd prefer if he showed respect; when he doesn't, here are options I can take." See should-statements.

Assertive script

"I feel X when Y happens. I'd prefer Z." Practice in chat before a hard conversation.

Thought record

For a specific incident, map situation → automatic thought → emotion → response with the thought record.

Scope

Willow does not counsel violence, revenge, or confrontation that could put you or others at risk. If anger leads to harm toward yourself or others, use crisis resources immediately.

Try it next

Bring one recent flare-up — what happened, what rule felt broken, and what you did next.

From the guide

  • Replace shoulds with preferences — I'd prefer if he showed respect; when he doesn't, here's what I can do.

    — Anger and should-statements; Sokol & Fox (2019), The Comprehensive Clinician's Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

From the guide

We couldn't pull book excerpts right now. The summary above still follows the same source material.

Related topics

Practice this with Willow

Open chat with a starter prompt for this topic. Same skills and safety rules as always.

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